I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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