My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
