they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
