And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
