I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
