I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My liver just had a heart attack.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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