babies were throwing up all over the place
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
