I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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