I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize