That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
