he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
