You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
