I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dignity is for republicans.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
