i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize