I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
