I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
