she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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