So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
