She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
