He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
