and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The air taste purple.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
