I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
