Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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