i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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