It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
