I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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