I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
These tits shall not be calmed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
