so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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