she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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