Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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