Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
