Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
