Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
