Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
