just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
