I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
