I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
