i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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