So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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