It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're a waste of cheezeits
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
