in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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