NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
