I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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