I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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