she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
