I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
