rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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