So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
People in love make me want to vomit
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
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His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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