Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
