Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
