Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
