Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
