This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
