why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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