I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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