Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am naked and annoyed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
