her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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