ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
