i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize