So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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