Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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