So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
