i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
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Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize