I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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